For those of you who haven't seen them, they are available in the BYU bookstore for all those sad lonely returned missionaries (like, I admit, I often still am.)
Feeling particularly crummy, I made a decision that I needed to set some goals and return a bit to the "missionary lifestyle", not just in the degree of gospel-sharing and charitable-ness, but in the routine and what I used to call the "care and keeping of disciples" type of stuff.
So I got a planner.
Somehow, having a planner makes you feel like you matter again. Like your choices aren't just yours. Like you have the capacity to waste valuable time and you shouldn't. Isn' that strange? That might just be how I am, I haven't asked other missionaries. So I started filling it out and putting down goals. Some for exercise, some for eating and budgeting, some for temple attendance, and some for scripture study.
I already felt way better, haha.
This morning I woke up and felt like I'd rather die than go for a jog.
But I remembered that I had written it in my planner and I needed to trust my yesterday-self. So I got up and went jogging-something I haven't found the desire or time to do since April. :)
Now I have sat down to begin studying the scriptures for a bit-like REALLY study them. Write down my thoughts. Focus on a topic. I haven't done this since probably April either... at least not regularly. And man did it feel good. :) The topic I had written in my planner (yes, there is a space for study topics) was "repentance".
As I opened my study notebook and glanced at my last entry (June 1st) I realized that I was repenting. Heck, in a way, by beginning to exercise again I was repenting as well haha. Too often we view repentance as something difficult and reserved for others. We might not feel like we deserve to. But as you return to an active lifestyle (spiritual or otherwise) the Lord is with you. He wants to help because he knows that you've been a little lazy and it's hard to get started again and to keep it up. You'll get discouraged. You'll have to overcome some obstacles you've gained since you stopped. But it's always doable. You just have to be consistent and rely on those around you. :)
Yeah, it's been a while. But it doesn't matter. Because you're trying again. And that shows your faith. And He will meet you at whatever point you can make it to. :)